- ¡Cállate, no quiero escucharte má

- ¡Cállate, no quiero escucharte más!

Esas palabras me herían, rompían mi corazón en pedazos dejándolo irreconocible. Discutimos demasiadas veces en el pasado pero todo se resolvía siempre al final. La razón de las constantes peleas siempre era mi "estúpido amor", como lo llamaba. Últimamente él estaba cambiando, se estaba alejando, se sentía presionado por su familia aunque ellos no le comentaran nada directamente. Yo lo imaginé, ese momento llegaba para casi todas las personas pero no para mí. Lo comentó un par de veces en nuestras conversaciones casuales pero yo no quise escuchar, cambiaba de tema para salir de ese mal paso.

- Debería de formar una familia.

Lo escuché decirme un par de veces, me asustaba que lo estuviera considerando, me aterraba que en cualquier momento decidiera terminar todo.

- ¿Acaso nosotros no éramos familia?

Al descubrir mi homosexualidad pasé por demasiadas cosas y una de ellas fue plantearme la idea de tener una familia. A pesar de mi corta edad me llegué a hacer esas preguntas y plantear muchas posibilidades. La respuesta no tardó en llegar. Miraba a mi familia tan desunida que pocos deseos me quedaron para yo intentarlo; no me gustaría arruinar la vida de un niño, era demasiada responsabilidad. Esa decisión no se oponía a mis preferencias así que no tenía nada porqué arrepentirme.

- No lo hacía sino hasta que te escuché pidiéndolo… al enterarme que tú si lo deseabas.

Probablemente más que desearlo él sentía una responsabilidad sobre sus hombros; la responsabilidad que un primogénito varón siente hacia su familia de pasar el apellido a la siguiente generación. Yo no podía entenderlo, era el segundo luego de mi hermano y no había un afecto por mi familia. Sentía un vacío formarse cada vez que escuchaba sus palabras, sentía que poco a poco lo estaba perdiendo.

- S-senpai por favor, solo lo dices porqué estás enojado. Intentaba calmarlo.

- ¡Estoy hablando muy enserio! Esto no tiene arreglo, no tiene caso que insistas porque no voy a cambiar de parecer… e-es importante para mí. Bajaba el tono de su voz conforme terminaba sus líneas. Estaba furioso pero su mirada claramente me revelaba que no quería lastimarme. Eso era lo que pensaba.

- ¡Pero estas tomando una decisión muy precipitada!

- ¡No, dije que me iría y voy a hacerlo!

Toda esta discusión había comenzado porque Senpai quería irse del departamento. Yo le rogaba para que no lo hiciera y las primeras dos ocasiones había funcionado pero pasando una semana otra vez discutíamos por lo mismo.

- Lo he pensado por un tiempo y es lo mejor, para mí y para ti también.

- ¿Para mí?... lo mejor para mí es estar siempre junto a ti.

- ¿Un tiempo?... ¿Por cuánto tiempo?, no estas considerando mis sentimientos y estas siendo egoísta. No pude haber sido más claro.

- ¿Egoísta? Tú eres él único que me arrastro a su enfermo amor. Te pedí que te quedarás pero nunca tuve la intensión de llegar más lejos que una amistad.

- ¿Eh?

- ¿P-por qué está diciendo todo eso otra vez? ¿Va a fingir que nada paso como cuando lo de Masaki-san?

- ¿Entonces por qué siempre cedías, por qué me invitabas y me dejabas probar tus labios una y otra vez? ¿Si no querías llegar más lejos por qué dejaste ilusionarme? No fue una o dos veces… han sido demasiadas.

Tantas veces que conocí cada rincón de su cuerpo, tantas que aprendí a amarlo por una y mil razones. El punto de retorno había quedado demasiadas noches atrás y él nunca tomó ese camino.

- No estoy seguro. Fue lo único que dijo mientras se dirigía a la salida junto con una pequeña maleta.

- ¿¡Por qué no dejas de ponerte excusas Senpai!? Tú y yo sabemos porqué lo hacías.

Ya no pude soportarlo, mis ojos se cristalizaron y algunas lágrimas rodaron por mis mejillas. De inmediato tomé la manga de mi camisa y comencé a secarlas. Era humillante y doloroso tener que suplicar por un poco de amor, con solo migajas me hubiera bastado antes pero ahora era distinto. Todo estaba en juego y estaba por quedarme con nada.

- T-tal vez estés en lo correcto. Dijo con temblor en su voz y una nueva esperanza quería nacer en mi corazón. No volteaba a verme y su mano permanecía sobre la perilla de la puerta. - Fue un error que llegáramos tan lejos. Mis ojos se abrieron con decepción por sus palabras. - Esta no es la vida que quiero, no más. Ya no voy a negarlo… p-puede que no me halla disgustado del todo, en verdad eres una buena persona pero no puedo corresponderte de la manera que tú quieres.

- No, esta no puede ser la despedida.

- S-senpai… Suspiré.

- Escucha. Esta vez volteó a verme y descansó la maleta en el sofá. - N-no quiero que te vayas, e-eres importante para mí, pero…

- N-no, ¡ya no quiero escucharte!

Mi pecho dolía demasiado, no podía contener las lágrimas y me sentía de lo peor ¿Por qué tenía que ser tan cruel y pedirme una vez más que no me fuera? Me era imposible seguir el ritmo de vida que él esperaba, uno en donde solo éramos amigos.

- ¿¡Por qué haces esto tan difícil maldición!? Renegaba ante mis reclamos.

- ¡T-tú fuiste él que nos metió en esta situación Senpai! Si me hubiera ido nada de esto hubiera pasado. Te hubiera sacado de mi corazón y tal vez podría ser feliz una vez más.

Solo podía pensar en lo mucho que lastimaba, en como sus acciones y palabras me torturaban por su misma inseguridad. Con Masaki-san había sido igual, me era difícil pensar en recuperarme por segunda ocasión. Probablemente el amor no se había hecho para mí o tal vez estaba condenado a amarlo solo a él.

- ¡No digas eso, yo no dije que quería que te fueras!

- Pero tarde o temprano sucederá. Senpai enmudeció. - Tú quieres formar una familia y en ella yo no estoy incluido. Sollocé. - L-lo entiendo, tú nunca fuiste homosexual y yo te "obligué". Me giré para no voltearlo a ver. - Cuando salgas por esa puerta me aseguraré de alejarme para no arruinar tú nueva vida. Me quedé cabizbajo y sostuve mi corazón con el puño.

- M-morinaga… Sabía que trataría de consolarme pero no quería su lastima, no quería su trato amable que me quemaba con cada palabra.

- No te preocupes, te prometo que no dejaré mis estudios. Le dediqué la sonrisa más forzada que alguna vez le hubiera mostrado. Las lágrimas todavía estaban ahí, era vergonzoso. - … pero, los continuaré en otro lugar lejos de aquí. Miré la inquietud con la que volteó a verme. Eso no se lo esperaba.

- ¿L-lejos de aquí? Preguntó incrédulo.

- Lo que importa es que los concluya, ¿no es así?, el lugar no importa. Le aclaré dejándolo sin más pretextos que poner.

- S-sí, es verdad.

Tomó nuevamente su maleta, cada acción suya se volvía como una navaja que se enterraba cada vez más profundo. Me abrazó en un movimiento repentino y sentía que me iba a deshacer en sus brazos. Fue una prueba difícil pero yo no correspondí su abrazo. Hundió su cabeza en mi pecho y me susurró un "no te vayas" que no contesté; no solo no quería, tampoco podía hacerlo. Sentí un nudo en mi garganta y un escalofrío recorrer mi cuerpo cuando lo vi alejarse. Antes de partir escuché su último murmullo.

- El sentimiento siempre estuvo ahí… si tan solo, si solo no fueras un hombre, yo… quizá en otra situación… Balbuceaba sin dejarse terminar una oración.

- Fue un gusto haberte conocido Senpai. Lo interrumpí. Me miro con sus ojos llorosos y cejas alzadas con temor. - Lamento no acompañarte en tu nueva etapa y verte realizado pero eso sería… más de lo que podría soportar.

- Y-yo… yo también lo siento.

Kết quả (Anh) 1:

-Shut up, don't want to hear more from you!Those words hurt me, broke my heart in pieces leaving him unrecognizable. We discussed many times in the past but everything is always solved in the end. The reason for the constant fights always was my "stupid love", as he called it. Lately he was changing, he was away, he felt pressured by his family although they don't comment you nothing directly. I imagined it, that moment arrived for most people but not for me. Said it a couple of times in our casual talks but I didn't want to listen, I changed theme to come out of that misstep.-Should form a family.I heard him tell me a couple of times, it scared me that you were considering it, it terrified me to decide at any time to finish everything.-Do anything we were not family?To discover my homosexuality I went through too many things and one of them was to consider the idea of having a family. Despite my young age, I got to ask these questions and consider many possibilities. The answer soon to arrive. He looked at my family so disunited few wish they were me I try; I would not ruin a child's life, it was too much responsibility. That decision did not oppose my preferences so I had nothing I regret why.-Did not until I heard begging for it... to learn than you if you wanted it.More than want it he probably felt a responsibility on their shoulders; the responsibility that a firstborn male feel toward your family pass the surname to the next generation. I could not understand it, was the second after my brother and there is an affection for my family. I felt a vacuum form whenever I listened to his words, felt that he was slowly losing.-S-senpai please, just say why are angry. I was trying to calm him down.-I'm talking about very seriously! This has no arrangement, does not if you insist because I am not going to change your mind... important e to me. Down the tone of his voice as he finished his lines. He was furious, but his gaze clearly revealed me it didn't hurt me. That was what I thought.- But these taking a very hasty decision!-No, I said that I would go and I will do it!All this discussion started because Senpai wanted to leave the Department. I begged him that he did not and the first two occasions had operated, but passing a week again discussed by the same.-I thought it for a while and it is the best, for me and for you also.-Do for me?... the best thing for me is to be always next to you.-A time?... for how long?, not considering my feelings and these being selfish. Not I could have been clearer.-Do selfish? It only that I drag her ill love you. I asked that you will stay, but I had never intended to go further that a friendship.-Huh?-P - why is saying all that again? You will pretend that nothing happened when Masaki-san's?-Then why you always cedías, I invitabas and I left to try your lips over and over again? If you didn't want to go even further, why did you leave get my hopes? It wasn't one or two times... have been too.So many times that I knew every corner of your body, so many that I learned to love it for a thousand reasons. The point of return had been too many nights ago and he never took that path.-Not sure. It was the only thing said as he addressed the output together with a small suitcase.-Why not stop Ponte excuses Senpai! You and I know why you did it.I could no longer bear it, my eyes crystallized, and tears rolled down my cheeks. I immediately took my shirt sleeve and began to dry them. It was humiliating and painful to have to beg for a little love, just crumbs I have been enough before, but now it was different. Everything was at stake and was about to meet me with nothing.-T - perhaps you are correct. He said with a tremor in his voice and a new hope wanted to be born in my heart. Not you turned to me and his hand remained on the door knob. -It was a mistake that we got so far. My eyes were opened with disappointment by his words. -This is not the life I want, no more. Already I will not deny it... p - can that there is me upset at all, you're really a good person but I can not apply you the way you want.-No, this cannot be the farewell.S-senpai... I sighed.-Listening. This time he turned to me and rested the bag on the couch. -N-no I want you to go, important e-eres for me, but...-N-no, do not want to hear from you!My chest hurt too, could not hold back the tears and the worst I felt why did to be so cruel and ask me once more that I wasn't? I was impossible to keep up with life that he hoped, one where we were just friends.-Why do this so difficult to curse! He rejected my claims.-T-you were that got us in this situation Senpai! If I had been none of this had happened. I had taken off my heart and perhaps time could be happy once again.You could only think about how much he was hurting, in how their actions and words I tortured by their same insecurity. With Masaki-san had been equal, I was hard to think to recover for the second time. Probably love was made for me or was perhaps doomed to love alone.-Don't say that, I didn't say that I wanted that you were!- But sooner or later it will happen. Senpai silenced. -You want to start a family, and in it I'm not included. I sollocé. -L - I understand it, you were never a homosexual and I you "forced". Turn me to not turn it over to see. -When you leave that door I'll move me to not ruin you new life. I was crestfallen and held my heart with his fist.M-morinaga... I knew that I would try to comfort me but I didn't want to his shame, he did not want his kind treatment that I burned with each word.-Don't worry, I promise that I will not leave my studies. I devoted the most forced smile that ever had shown him. The tears were still there, it was embarrassing. -... but will continue them in another place far from here. I looked at the concern with which turned to me. That I did not expect it.-L-far from here? He asked incredulously.-What matters is that you completed them, isn't it?, the place does not matter. I had him leaving him with no more excuses to put.-Y-Yes, indeed.It took again his suitcase, every action of yours became razor that is buried ever deeper. He embraced me in a sudden movement and felt that I would undo in his arms. It was a difficult test but I don't correspondí her embrace. He sank his head on my chest and whispered a "no te vayas" which not answered; not only I didn't, I could not do it. I felt a knot in my throat and a chill through my body when I saw him move away. Before leaving, I heard your last whisper.-The feeling was always there... If only, if only you weren't a man I... maybe in another situation... He mumbled without finishing a sentence.-Was a pleasure having known you Senpai. I interrupted him. I look with his watery eyes and eyebrows raised with fear. -I am sorry not to accompany you in your new stage and see you but that would be... more what could bear.-... I also feel and-I.

Kết quả (Anh) 2:

- Shut up, do not want to hear more! Those words hurt me, my heart broke into pieces leaving it unrecognizable. We discussed too many times in the past but everything is always resolved at the end. The reason for the constant bickering was always my "stupid love" as he called it. Lately he was changing, he was away, she felt pressured by her family although they will not comment on anything directly. I figured, the time came for most people but not for me. We said a few times in our casual conversations but I would not listen, change the subject to leave that misstep. - Should have a family. I heard him say a couple of times, I was afraid he was considering, I was terrified that at any time decide to finish it all. - Did we were not family? By discovering my homosexuality I went through many things and one of them was plantearme the idea of having a family. Despite my young age I came to ask me those questions and raise many possibilities. The answer came quickly. I watched my family so disunited that left me little desire to try; I do not want to ruin the life of a child, it was too much responsibility. That decision did not object to my preferences so why had nothing to regret. - I did not until I heard you asking for it ... to hear you if you wanted. Probably more than I desire he felt a responsibility on their shoulders; responsibility for a firstborn son feels for his family to spend the last to the next generation. I could not understand, he was second after my brother and there was affection for my family. I felt an emptiness whenever I heard his words formed, gradually felt she was losing. - S-senpai please just say why you're angry. Trying to calm him. - I'm talking very seriously! This can not be fixed, there's no point because you insist I will not change my mind ... e-is important to me. He lowered the tone of his voice as he finished his lines. He was furious but her eyes revealed clearly did not want to hurt me. That's what I thought. - But are taking a very hasty decision! - No, I said I would go and I'll do it! All this discussion started because Senpai had wanted to leave the department. I begged him not to do it and the first two occasions but had worked spending a week again discussing the same thing. - I've thought for a while and it's best for me and for you too. - For me? ... the best for me is always with you. - A long ... How long ?, are not considering my feelings and these being selfish?. I could not have been clearer. - Selfish? You're the one who dragged me to her sick love. I asked you'll stay but I never had the intention to go further than friendship. - Huh? - W-why are you saying all that again? Are you going to pretend that nothing happened as when Masaki-san? - Then why do you always'd relent, why you invited me and I were leaving taste your lips again and again? If you wanted to only go so far why you left my hopes? It was not once or twice ... have been too many. So many times I knew every corner of your body, so I learned to love him for a thousand reasons. The turning point had been too many nights ago and he never took that path. - I'm not sure. It was all he said as he headed for the exit with a small suitcase. - Why not get excuses stop Senpai !? You and I know why you did it. I could not stand it, my eyes were crystallized and tears rolled down my cheeks. I immediately grabbed the sleeve of my shirt and started to dry. It was humiliating and painful to have to beg for a little love, with only crumbs would have sufficed before but now it was different. Everything was at stake and was to stay with nothing. - T-maybe you're right. He said with a tremor in her voice and wanted to be born a new hope in my heart. He not turned to me and his hand was on the doorknob. - It was a mistake we got this far. My eyes widened with disappointment at his words. - This is not the life I want, no more. I'm not going to deny ... p-may not find me upset at all, you really are a good person but I can not repay you for the way you want. - No, this can not be fired. - S-senpai ... I sighed . - Listen. This time he turned to me and rested the bag on the couch. - II do not want you to go, and-are important to me, but ... - N-no, I do not want to hear My chest hurt too much, I could not hold back the tears and I felt the worst Why did that be so cruel and ask once again that I go away? I could not follow the pace of life than he expected, one where we were just friends. - Why are you doing this curse so hard !? Disowned before my claims. - Y-you were the one who got us into this situation Senpai! If I had been none of this would have happened. I would have taken my heart and maybe I could be happy again. I could only think about how much it hurt, in their actions and words tortured me by his own insecurity. With Masaki-san had been equal, I think it was difficult to recover for the second time. Probably love had not done for me or maybe he was sentenced to love only him. - Do not say that, I did not say I want you to go! - But sooner or later it will happen. Senpai silent. - You want to start a family and in it I'm not included. I sobbed. - L-I understand it, you were never homosexual and I "forced". I turned to see not flip. - When you walk out that door away I'll make sure not to ruin your new life. I was crestfallen and held my heart with his fist. - M-Morinaga ... I knew he would try to comfort me but did not want his pity he did not want his kind treatment that burned me with every word. - Do not worry, I promise I will not let my studies. I gave the forced smile that once would have shown. The tears were still there, it was embarrassing. - ... But I will continue in another place far from here. I looked at the concern with which he turned to me. That was not expected. - L-away? He asked incredulously. - What matters is that the end, is not it ?, the place does not matter. I clarified leaving no more excuses put. - S-yes, it's true. He took his suitcase again, every action of yours became like a razor that is buried deeper and deeper. He hugged me in a sudden movement and felt that I was going to break into his arms. It was a difficult test but not reciprocated his embrace. She buried her head on my chest and whispered a "do not miss" I did not answer; not only he did not want to, I could not either. I felt a lump in my throat and a shiver through my body when I saw him walking away. Before leaving I heard his latest murmur. - The feeling was always there ... if only, if only you were not a man, I ... maybe in another situation ... stammered without being complete a sentence. - It was a pleasure having met Senpai. I interrupted. He looked at me with watery eyes and raised eyebrows with fear. - I regret not accompany you on your new stage and see ... but that would be done more than he could bear. - II ... I'm sorry too.

Kết quả (Anh) 3:

- Shut Up, I Don't want to hear anymore!

these words Hurt Me, Break My Heart into pieces, leaving him unrecognizable. We discussed many times in the past but everything is resolved at the end. The reason for the constant bickering was always my "Stupid Love," as he called it. Lately he was changing, it was drifting away,He felt pressured by his family although they don't comment anything directly. I figured, that moment came for most people but not for me. You said a couple of times in our casual conversations but I didn't want to listen, he changed the subject to get the Bad step.

- should form a family.

I heard tell me a couple of Times,I was scared that I was terrified that I was considering, at any time to finish everything. - are we a family?

to discover my homosexuality went through too many things and one of them was thinking about the idea of having a family. Despite my age I got to make these questions and raise many possibilities. The answer was not long in coming.I watched my family so disunited that few desires were for me I try; I Don't want to Ruin the Life of a child was too much responsibility. This decision is not opposed to My Preferences so that there was nothing to repent.

I wasn't until I heard you calling... To hear that you wanted.Probably more so that he felt a responsibility on their shoulders; The eldest son feels a Responsibility towards his family passed the name on to the Next Generation. I couldn't understand it, was the second then my brother and had an Affection for my family. I felt an Emptiness form every time I heard his words, I felt I was losing gradually.- S senpai please just tell him why you're Angry. I tried to calm him down.

I'm Talking very seriously! This has no meaning, no case to it because I'm not gonna change my mind... And it's important to me. Lowered the tone of his voice as he was their Lines. His look was Furious but clearly revealed to me that I didn't want to hurt me. That's what I thought.- but you're taking a Hasty decision.

- I said I would, and I'll do it!

this discussion had begun because senpai wanted to leave the Department. I begged for it and the first two occasions had worked but spending a week again discussing it.

I Thought for a while and is best for me and for you too.