-Hola Morinaga-kun, podríamos hablar-
-Está bien pero no aquí-
Salimos a dar una vuelta cerca de un bosque que estaba muy próximo a su casa, ahí había muchos juegos para niños, bancas y árboles de diferentes tipos, nos sentamos y me dijo:
-No sé qué me pasó, disculpe Tatsumi-san, abuse de su confianza, no recuerdo mucho, solo que nos besamos, no sé si lo obligue o que paso después, porque solo recuerdo despertar junto a usted. No deseo arruinar nuestra reciente amistad, me parece usted una persona muy interesante, hay algo en sus ojos miel que me hace sentir algo extraño dentro de mí. Perdón por decirle cosas inapropiadas, pero por alguna razón siento que puedo confiar en usted-
-Morinaga yo… tengo que decirte algo… tu y yo…antes…antes debimos… venir a este parque, es bastante tranquilo como para estudiar-
Maldición, no pude decirle, es muy pronto para contarle mi absurda historia, seguro me mandaría por un tubo. Así que solo me sonroje ante su mirada tan dulce que me dio.
El pasar de los días se volvió tan tranquilo y agradable, nos escondíamos a besarnos en el almacén de sustancias, los deseos de nuestros corazones no se podían decir en palabras, ninguno de los dos tenía pensado hacerlo. Por las tardes en mi departamento cocinábamos juntos, mirábamos un rato la tele y revisábamos las notas de los experimentos, me recordaba a lo que hacía con el otro Morinaga, excepto que no habíamos llegado tan lejos. El viernes de esa misma semana Chizuru llegó por Morinaga y se lo llevó a cenar con ella, según me contó el lunes, era casi seguro que había conseguido un empleo con una excelente paga. Además le ofrecían un departamento para ella y su esposo, pues les había comentado de su próxima boda. Le dijeron que le hablarían en las próximas dos semanas para citarla y hacerle más evaluaciones juntos a los demás aspirantes, aunque ella estaba muy optimista, ya que había sido la mejor en su clase, además de pasar con la mejor calificación las primeras pruebas que les realizaron en Tokio. De modo que eso adelantaba los planes de ellos, debían casarse lo más pronto posible, para que al contratarla mostrara los papeles de su reciente boda, recibiendo gracias a esto un departamento más grande para iniciar una familia.
La duda estaba en sus ojos, sentíamos tanto placer cuando nos besábamos, muchas veces me subía sobre él en el sillón como aquella vez que le dije mis sentimientos a través de un beso, pero siempre estábamos con ropa, jamás pasábamos de unos besos y caricias a pesar de que nuestros cuerpos pedían a gritos unirse en el deseo, ambos éramos demasiado tímidos para avanzar más allá de esas cosas. No entiendo como mi razón se ve nublada por un hombre, quiero besarlo, necesito estar con él, pero ahora él es quien me rechaza a mí, debo estar pagando por todas las veces que yo mismo lo repelía, todas esas veces que se mostraba cariñoso y hasta por un simple toque yo lo golpeaba ¿Por que hacía eso? No lo entiendo, si realmente lo amaba.
Mientras que los fines de semana le correspondían a Chizuru, toda la semana Morinaga era mío, sus sonrisas, sus labios, incluso todo su cuerpo respondía ante mí en una avalancha de sensaciones. Hasta que un domingo por la noche llegó a mi casa y pidió entrar, me explicó que Chizuru había pasado todas las pruebas y la contratarían sin duda alguna, sus padres le informaron que ya estaba todo listo para su boda la siguiente semana.
-¿Te vas a casar?-
-La boda es la próxima semana, por eso he venido… Sabes una cosa... este tiempo que hemos pasado juntos, ha sido el mejor en toda mi vida, sentí que dentro de tu departamento éramos casi como un par de novios, percibí algo que jamás en toda mi vida pude sentir por nadie más, pero esto no puede seguir, tengo que cumplir con mi palabra, yo vine a despedirme, necesitaba decírtelo fuera del laboratorio, pues cuando te vea mañana volveremos a ser extraños, no podemos seguir con esto. Gracias Tatsumi nunca te voy a olvidar-
Al decir esas horribles palabras se dio la vuelta y comenzó a caminar. A veces no entendía porque me costaba tanto trabajo darme cuenta cosas que tu necesitabas escuchar. En mi interior había una lucha por demostrarte lo mucho que te amaba pero de cierta forma tenía miedo que esto terminara y acabara solo como estaba al principio, sin embargo, ahora sabía que no podría vivir de esa forma pues me había acostumbrado a ti, a tu amor, tus besos y todo tu ser que se fundía dentro de mí. No obstante, todavía creía que si no aceptaba por completo tu amor podía dejarte ir más fácilmente. No quiero que te cases, te necesito, gritaba en mi interior, pero las palabras no salían, su mirada de amor pero llena de temor fue algo que nunca había visto, él tenía miedo de ser rechazado, de perder todo por cuanto había trabajado en su vida, de perder a su familia y amigos, pero yo soy un egoísta, quiero que deje todo por mí, que luche, como aquel Morinaga al que desprecie tantas veces.
Miraba como se alejaba de mí, daba algunos pasos mientras algunas gotas de lluvia comenzaban a caer en mí, debía detenerlo, si en esta ocasión lo dejaba ir tendría que ser para siempre, ya no había marcha atrás, jamás volvería a ver su dulce sonrisa, sus tiernos ojos, las palabras de amor que siempre me dio, todo su ser desaparecería por completo, se alejaría, pero dolorosamente seguiría su recuerdo torturando mi alma, en ese instante, ya no pude más y las palabras que nunca pensé decir salieron de mi boca.
-¡TETSUHIRO, NO TE VAYAS YO TE AMO! Tenía miedo, no quería admitir que sin ti no soy nada, cuando estabas a mi lado jamás quise entender que te amaba, porque si lo comprendía y sacaba mis sentimientos tú un día te darías cuenta que no necesitas a un maldito tirano en tu vida. Siempre lo supe… que tú eras mejor persona que yo, a pesar de todo lo que viviste siempre lograste afrontar las cosas, conseguiste ver el mejor lado de la vida. Lo tengo todo cuando tú estás en mi vida, dame una oportunidad de demostrarte que la vida puede darte tantas cosas, que tú puedes ser feliz sin mimetizarte con los modelos que según debemos cumplir, a la única persona que debes satisfacer es a ti mismo-
Con lágrimas sobre su cara se aproximó hacia mí, tomo mi rostro entre sus manos y me beso, con todo el sentimiento que teníamos ambos en nuestros corazones, a pesar de que tenía muy poco de conocerlo, pude notar que en él creció aquel amor que me declaro alguna vez. Entendí por primera vez sus palabras que alguna vez en otro tiempo y lugar me dijo:
-Es doloroso…Estar cerca de ti…-
Claro…Todo cobraba sentido, es doloroso saber que lo amas pero no puedes si quiera decirlo, es aún más amargo distinguir un dulce beso de despedida, de un amor que no podrá ser jamás. Siempre lo supe, yo estaba destinado a estar solo, en aquel momento que mamá se fue lo entendí, era más fácil, no entregar nada, pero por desgracia ya era tarde…Te había entregado todo.
-Lo siento, tanto Souichi, quiero que sepas que una parte de mi te está muy agradecido por mostrarme aquello con lo que siempre soñé, pero de todo sueño debemos despertar, no sabes cuánto desearía poder huir de todo, pero tu bien sabes, que en esta sociedad estamos condenados a permanecer ocultos, no quiero vivir así, sin poder tomar tu mano, o darte un beso por temor a ser agredidos o juzgados. Admiro a aquellos como tu hermano que tienen el valor de vivir sus vidas contra todo y contra todos, pero yo no puedo, no quiero perderlo todo, siempre he estado tan solo, ahora se me da la oportunidad de enmendar mis errores, de ser aceptado por el resto de mis días… Tú lo sabes mi querido Souichi, en estas pocas semanas me he enamorado de ti como jamás lo estuve, hiciste latir mi corazón que pensé que estaba congelado, lo llenaste con la calidez del amor, nunca olvidaré lo que se siente amar… Adiós…-
En esa lluvia comprendí las muchas cosas que había dejado ir por ser tan cerrado de mente, era realmente un tonto, ahora estaba seguro que el Morinaga que conocí en ningún caso podría volver, de hecho no existía, ni existió jamás, fue así como lo vi alejarse y una lluvia comenzó a caer, evitando mostrar mis amargas lágrimas que se confundían con las gotas de la espesa lluvia que se había soltado en esa fría noche. El tiempo se detenía mientras veía sus pies alejarse, mi sufrimiento me envolvía a tal grado, que ya que no tenía ánimo para levantar la cabeza y verlo partir directamente.
Sabía que lo había perdido nada volvería a ser como antes, ya no podía hacer nada más, él y yo seríamos eternamente infelices, a pesar del amor, nada podía cambiar el hecho de que él jamás dejaría que nadie supiera que su verdadera felicidad estaba con un hombre, prefería fingir que era feliz a decepcionar a todo el mundo, yo nunca quise que él fuera de esa forma , lo prefería mil veces como el pervertido encimoso que me amaba, no concibo porque cambie las cosas de esta manera, me arrepiento tanto. Sentía tanto pesar dentro de mí que me tiré al suelo sobre mis rodillas mientras la lluvia se hacía pesada y caía sobre mí, tanto tiempo me quede ahí llorando en ese lugar, que las nubes se disiparon y pude ver las estrellas, si esas malditas estrellas que fueron las culpables de que todo esto pasara. Hincado como estaba miré al cielo suplicante y grite con todas mis fuerzas.
-Lo lamento tanto, me arrepiento, por favor déjame corregirlo, quien seas, tu deidad que me trajiste aquí, escucha mis ruegos, haría lo que fuera, daría lo que fuera, incluso mi propia vida si es necesario, solo quiero que él sea feliz, ya no me importa si yo soy feliz, lo amo-
-Morinaga Hi-kun, could talk --It is good but not here-We went out for a walk near a forest that was very close to his home, there had been many games for children, benches and trees of different types, we sat and told me:-Do not know what happened to me, sorry Tatsumi-san, abuse of trust, not much, just remember that we kissed, I do not know if it would force it or what happened after, because I only remember waking up next to you. I don't want to ruin our recent friendship, you seems to me a very interesting person, there is something in your eyes honey that makes me feel something odd within me. Sorry for say inappropriate things, but for some reason I feel that I can rely on you --Morinaga I... I have to tell you something... you and I... before... before we had... come to this park, is fairly quiet for study -Curse, do not I could tell you, is too soon to tell him my absurd story, sure I would send a tube. So I blush to your look so sweet that I gave.Spend the days became so quiet and pleasant, we hide to kiss on the storage of substances, the desires of our hearts could not say in words, none of the two planned to do so. In the evenings in my Department we cooked together, we watched TV awhile and we were the notes of experiments, I remembered what I did with the other Morinaga, except that we had not come so far. On Friday of that same week Chizuru Morinaga came and took him to dinner with her, as he told me on Monday, it was almost certain that he had gotten a job with excellent pay. Also offered it a Department for she and her husband, because he had told them of her upcoming wedding. They told him they would talk him in the next two weeks for quote and make further assessments together to other applicants, though she was very optimistic, since it had been the best in its class, in addition to passing the first tests conducted them in Tokyo with the best rating. So that ahead of them, plans had to marry as soon as possible, to the hire would show the papers of his recent wedding, thanks to this receiving a larger Department to start a family.The doubt was in his eyes, we felt so much pleasure when we kissed us, many times I went over it on the couch like that time I told him my feelings through a kiss, but were always with clothes, never spent a few kisses and caresses while our bodies asked loudly join in desire, both were too timid to move beyond these things. I do not understand as my reason is clouded by a man, I want to kiss him, I need to be with him, but now it is me who rejects me, should I be paying for all the times that I repelled him, all those times that showed affectionate and even by a simple touch I beat it by that did that? I don't understand, if she really loved him.While on weekends corresponded you to Chizuru, week's Morinaga was mine, their smiles, their lips, even your whole body responded before me in an avalanche of sensations. Until a Sunday night came to my house and asked to enter, explained to me that Chizuru had passed all the tests and would hire it no doubt, his parents told him that he was all ready for her wedding next week.-Are you going to marry?--The wedding is next week, so I've been... You know one thing... this time we have spent together, has been the best in my life, I felt that we were almost like a couple of boyfriends within your Department, sensed something that never in all my life I could feel for anyone else, but this can not continue, I have to fulfill my word, I came to say goodbye, needed to put it out of the lab , because when you see tomorrow we will return to be strange, can not continue with this. Thanks Tatsumi you'll never forget-To say these horrible words turned and began to walk. Sometimes did not understand because I was so much work to realize things that your need to listen. Inside of me there was a struggle to show you how much that I loved but somehow had fear that this would end and ended just as it was at the beginning, however, now knew that it could not live that way because I had come to you, your love, your kisses and your whole being that it melted within me. However, he still believed that if it did not accept full your love could let go more easily. I don't want you to marry, I need you, screaming on the inside, but the words did not come out, their look of love but full of fear was something that I had never seen, he was afraid of being rejected, of losing everything because he had worked in his life, losing his family and friends, but I am a selfish, I want to stop everything for me , that fight, like that Morinaga to which despise so many times.He looked as he walked away from me, giving some steps while some drops of rain began to fall on me, should stop him, if this time you let it go it should be forever, there was no turning back, he would never again see her sweet smile, her tender eyes, the words of love that always gave me, his whole being would disappear completely it away, but painfully would continue his memory torturing my soul, at that moment, already could not help more and the words that I never thought to tell came out of my mouth.-TETSUHIRO, NOT TEA GO YO TE AMO! I was scared, I didn't want to admit that without you I am nothing, when you were by my side never wanted to understand that you love, because if you understand it and took out my feelings you one day you give account you don't need to a tyrannical evil in your life. Always knew it... you were a better person than me, despite everything that you ever lived did you face things, got to see the best side of life. I have everything when you're in my life, give me a chance to show you that life can give you so many things, that you can be happy without print with the models that we have to meet, the only person that you must satisfy is yourself-With tears on his face he approached me, took my face between his hands and kiss me, with all the feeling that we were both in our hearts, while he had very little know him, I could notice which it grew that love that I plead once. I understood for the first time his words once in another time and place he said:-It is painful... Be near you...-Of course... All charged sense, it is painful to know that you love him but you can't if you want to say it, it is even more bitter to differentiate a sweet kiss of farewell, of a love that can never be. I always knew it, I was destined to be alone, at that time that MOM left I understood it, it was easier, not to give anything, but unfortunately it was late... I had given you everything.-It feel, both Souichi, I want you to know that a part of my you is very grateful for showing me that with what you always dreamed of, but all dream we must wake up, you don't know how much I would like to be able to escape from everything, but you well know, that in this society are condemned to remain hidden, I don't want to live like this, without you can take your hand, or kiss you for fear of being attacked or tried. I admire those like your brother who have the courage to live their lives against everything and everyone, but I can't, I don't want to lose it all, I've always been just, now given the opportunity to amend my mistakes, be accepted by the rest of my days... You know my dear Souichi, in these few weeks I've love you as I ever was, you did beat my heart that I thought it was frozen, you filled with the warmth of love, I'll never forget what it feels like loving... Goodbye...-In that rain, I understood many things that had left to go for being so closed minded, was actually a fool, was now sure the Morinaga I met in no case could return, did not in fact exist or ever existed, it was as well as I saw him move and a rain began to fall, avoiding to show my bitter tears that merged with the thick rain drops that had come loose on that cold night. Time stopped as he watched his feet move, my suffering to such a degree, that since he had no mood to lift up their heads and see it directly from me envelope.I knew that I had lost him nothing would be as before, no longer could do nothing more, he and I would be eternally unhappy, despite the love, nothing could change the fact that he never would let no one know that your true happiness was with a man, preferred to pretend that he was happy to disappoint everyone, I never wanted it out that way He preferred it thousand times as the perverted encimoso that loved me, I can not imagine because you change things in this way, I regret both. I felt so much sorrow inside me that I threw myself to the ground on my knees while the rain was heavy and fell on me, so long is there crying in that place, that the clouds dissipated and I could see the stars, if those cursed star that they were the guilty that this happened. Driving as it was I looked at the supplicant sky and shout with all my strength.-Both regret this, I regret, please let me correct it, who you are, your deity that I brought here, listen to my prayers, I would do whatever, would give whatever, even my own life if it is necessary, only wants him to be happy, and I don't care if I'm happy, I love it -
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Morinaga Hi-kun, could speak All right but not here went out for a walk near a forest that was very close to his house, there were many games for children, benches and trees of different types, we sat and I said: I do not know what happened to me, excuse Tatsumi-san, abuse of confidence, I do not remember much, except that we kiss, do not know whether or not force happened later, because only remember waking up next to you. I do not want to ruin our new friendship, you seem to me a very interesting person, there's something in your eyes honey that makes me feel something strange inside me. Sorry to say inappropriate things, but for some reason I feel I can trust you- -Morinaga I ... I have to tell you something ... you and me ... before ... before we had ... come to this park, is pretty quiet as study- Damn, no I could say it is too early to tell my absurd story, I sure would send through a tube. So just me blush before his eyes so sweet that gave me. The passing day it became so quiet and nice, hid us kissing in the store substances, the desires of our hearts could not say in words, none of the two had planned to do. In the evenings we cooked together in my apartment, watched TV for a while and we reviewed the notes of the experiments, it reminded me of what I did with the other Morinaga, except that we have not gone that far. On Friday of that week Chizuru Morinaga arrived and took him to dinner with her, as he told me on Monday, was almost certainly got a job with excellent pay. We also offered an apartment for herself and her husband, because he had told them of your upcoming wedding. He was told that he would speak in the next two weeks to quote and make more assessments together to the other candidates, but she was very optimistic, as had been the best in its class, in addition to spending with the best score the first tests them They performed in Tokyo. So that plans ahead of them, they should marry as soon as possible, so to hire her papers showed her recent marriage, getting through this a larger department to start a family. The question was in his eyes, we felt much pleasure when we kissed, I often went up on him on the couch like that time I told my feelings through a kiss, but we were always with clothes, never spent a few kisses and caresses even though our bodies were asking cries join in desire, we were both too shy to move beyond these things. Do not understand how my reason is clouded by a man, I want to kiss him, I need to be with him, but now he is the one who rejects me, I must be paying for all the times that I repelled him, all those times showed loving and even a simple touch I hit Why did that? I do not understand, if you really loved him. While he was entitled weekends Chizuru, all week Morinaga was mine, her smiles, her lips, her whole body even responded to me in a rush of sensations. Then one Sunday night came to my house and asked to enter, he explained that Chizuru had passed all tests and be hired without any doubt, his parents told him that everything was ready for her wedding next week. -¿Te Getting married - 'The wedding is next week, so I came ... Guess what ... this time we have spent together has been the best in my life, I felt that within your department were almost like a couple of boyfriends, I felt something I never in my life could feel about anyone else, but this can not go, I have to keep my word, I came to say goodbye, I needed to tell you out of the lab, because when I see you tomorrow we will be Strange, we can not do this anymore. Thanks Tatsumi you'll never forget- In saying those horrible words he turned and started walking. Sometimes I do not understand why I worked so hard to realize things that you needed to hear. Inside me there was a struggle to prove how much I loved you but somehow I was afraid this was over and end up just as it was at first, but now I knew I could not live that way because I had gotten used to you, your love, your kisses and your whole being that melted within me. However, I still believed that if he did not accept your love could completely let go more easily. I do not want to marry you, I need you, screaming inside me, but the words would not come, his look of love but full of fear was something I had never seen, he was afraid of being rejected, of losing everything because he had worked in his life, losing his family and friends, but I'm selfish, I want to leave everything for me that fight, like that Morinaga who despise so many times. It looked like it away from me, gave some steps while some drops Rain began to fall on me, was to stop, if this time it would have to be let go forever, there was no turning back, never see his sweet smile, her tender eyes, the words of love that he gave me, his whole being would disappear completely, move away, but his memory would painfully tortured my soul, at that moment, I no longer could more thought and words never say out of my mouth. -¡TETSUHIRO, do not go I I LOVE YOU! I was scared, did not want to admit that without you I am nothing, when you were at my side ever wanted to understand that I loved, because if we understood and took my feelings you one day you'd realize you do not need a bloody tyrant in your life. ... I always knew you were a better person than I, despite everything that lived long did it deal with things, you get to see the best side of life. I have everything when you're in my life, give me a chance to show that life can give you so many things that you can be happy without mimetizarte with models as we meet, the only person you should meet is to yourself- With tears on his face came close to me, took my face in his hands and kissed me, with all the feeling that we were both in our hearts, even though they had very little to meet you, I noticed that he grew the love that I declare once. I understood for the first time ever his words in another time and place said to me ... It's painful to be near you ... - Sure ... Everything made sense, it is painful to know that you love him but you can not if you want to say, is even more bitter distinguish a sweet farewell kiss, a love that can never be. I always knew I was destined to be alone at the time that mom was what I understood, it was easier not deliver anything, but unfortunately it was too late ... I had given everything. I'm sorry, both Souichi, I want you know that a part of me you are very grateful for showing me that what I always dreamed of, but every dream we wake up and not know how much I wish I could run away from everything, but you well know, that in this society we are doomed to remain hidden, I do not want to live like this, without being able to hold your hand, or kiss for fear of being attacked or judged. I admire those like your brother who have the courage to live their lives against everything and everyone, but I can not, I will not lose everything, I have always been just now given me the opportunity to amend my mistakes, if accepted for the rest of my days ... You know my dear Souichi, in these few weeks I've fallen for you as ever I was, you made my heart beat I thought I was frozen, you filled with the warmth of love, I will never forget what you feel love ... Goodbye ... - In the rain I realized the many things I had let go for being so closed-minded, it was really a fool, he was now certain that the Morinaga I met in any case could return, in fact did not exist, or He never existed, that was how I saw him away and rain started falling, avoiding show my bitter tears mingled with the thick drops of rain that had come loose in the cold night. Time stopped as I watched their feet away, my suffering around me to such an extent that since I had no courage to lift his head and see him go straight. I knew I had lost nothing would be as before, and could do nothing Moreover, he and I would be eternally unhappy, despite the love, nothing could change the fact that he never let anyone know your true happiness was with a man, he preferred to pretend he was happy to disappoint everyone, never I wanted him to be that way, he preferred a thousand times as encimoso pervert who loved me, can not conceive because things change in this way, I regret both. I felt so much grief inside me that threw me down on my knees as the rain became heavy and fell on me, so long I stood there crying there, the clouds lifted and I could see the stars, if those damned stars who they were to blame for all this happened. Kneeling as he was pleading looked at the sky and shout with all my strength. So I'm sorry, I repent, please let me correct it, who you are, your deity that brought me here, hear my prayers, I would do anything, give anything even my own life if necessary, I just want him to be happy, I do not care if I am happy, as ammonium
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