- ¿Qué voy a hacer? ¿Acaso mi decis

- ¿Qué voy a hacer? ¿Acaso mi decisión fue un error?

No, no podía permitirme pensar de esa manera. Había superado varios obstáculos para estar en la posición en donde ahora me encontraba como para retroceder cuando se presentaba una dificultad.

- Recuerda que no ha sido fácil y tampoco lo será.

No solo la recuperación de la operación fue dolorosa e incómoda, también el tratamiento con el que tuve, y todavía, continúo siguiendo había sido un verdadero dolor de cabeza. Inyecciones y pastillas. El tratamiento lo inicié meses antes de la cirugía y desde entonces pequeños cambios surgieron. Al paso de varios meses algunos aspectos en mi cuerpo fueron cambiando, aunque no tan notorios, se necesitaba de más tiempo y una gran paciencia. Estas hormonas traían una serie de efectos secundarios y cambios que serían irreversibles. Me advirtieron y explicaron lo que sucedería con mi cuerpo; yo acepté esa sentencia.

- ¿Esterilidad?

- Sí. Una vez que empiece con esto y al paso del tiempo, será algo irreversible.

No puedo mentirme y decir que en ese momento no me desanimé. Yo no pensaba formar una familia, nunca fue un interés o meta, pero el hecho de que un doctor te lo diga tan fríamente te hace consiente de que una puerta más se cierra frente a ti. En ese instante cerré mis ojos, miré corriendo a pequeños niños en el parque y como estos se desvanecían. Yo era gay, esa nunca había sido una posibilidad en mi futuro, no debía estar triste pero sorprendentemente lo estaba.

Dos operaciones fueron necesarias; implantes mamarios y de feminización facial. Las hormonas aumentarían mi busto pero no sería algo excepcional y tendría que esperar demasiado, por lo que consideré que era la mejor opción. Con la feminización facial fue diferente. Estaba dispuesto a cambiar pero me asustaba tener que transformar mi rostro. Las modificaciones que se hicieron no fueron tan grandes pero aún recuerdo al psicólogo ayudándome a afrontar mi nueva apariencia. Pasaron varios días hasta que me permitieron ver mi cara y varios más antes de que lograra verme en un espejo sin sentir inseguridad o rechazo.

- Fueron momentos complicados… esto no debería siquiera compararse.

Se supone que había afrontado la parte más compleja pero eso no era verdad.

- Estoy haciendo todo a medias.

Ni verdad, ni mentira. Ni mujer, ni hombre. ¿Cómo se me había ocurrido presentarme así ante él? Sin ser una persona completa, solo un deseo de llegar a ser lo que no soy. Cuando llegó el momento de tomar una decisión simplemente no pude dejar atrás una parte de mí. Algo me hizo pensar que esto sería suficiente pero eso no era verdad, yo también sabía de mi falta de perfección.

- Todo va a estar bien.

Si él llegaba a aceptarme por la persona en que me había convertido ya no temería a dejar ir mi pasado y concluiría lo que empecé. Él me amaría, él tendría que comprender si yo no podía realizar su sueño y mantenía la esperanza de que pudiéramos recurrir a otras opciones si así lo deseaba. Lo único que buscaba era verlo feliz, eso me hacía inmensamente feliz a mí.

- Tú cambiaste tu interior… yo puedo cambiar mi exterior.

Si mi esencia seguía siendo la misma el contenedor no debía de importarme. No debería pero lo hacía.

Al encontrarnos en la siguiente etapa de nuestras vidas te convertiste en mi profesor, seguías siendo mi modelo a seguir, la misma persona de la que me enamoré una vez. Tenía miedo de que me reconocieras y tenía pavor de que no te fijaras en mí.

- ¿Y si esto no vale la pena?... yo haré que lo valga, yo haré que esto funcioné.

El destino estaba de mí lado y volvimos a ser cercanos. Yo me convertí otra vez en tu mano derecha, en tu amiga. Veía como te esforzabas en lo que te apasionaba día a día y me sorprendí que en esta ocasión tu confianza la alcancé en tiempo récord.

- ¿Así que las apariencias si importan?

Procuraba ser prudente a la hora de vestir pues no me sentía cómodo mostrando más de lo que un hombre debería de ver. Las primeras veces fue vergonzoso usar faldas cuando toda tu vida fuiste fiel a los pantalones. Perdía tiempo por las noches buscando en revistas modelos que me sirvieran con mi vestimenta. Las blusas de mangas más cortas, vestidos, incluso algo de labial; no podía creer todas las cosas complicadas que las mujeres tenían que manejar para mantenerse atractivas. El arte de usar zapatillas fue aun peor. Ser alto no me beneficiaba en nada y con ese calzado mucho menos; era doloroso y los evitaba tanto como podía.

- ¡Vamos, solo serán un par de horas más!

Cuando concluyó aquel evento lo único que deseaba era regresar a casa y descansar. Imposible. El trabajo en el laboratorio se había acumulado al ausentarme toda la semana para preparar la presentación del proyecto, no podía irme y dejar a Senpai con toda la carga de trabajo de nuevo. Ser una mujer era demasiado agotador.

- ¿Por qué estoy tan cansado?

Era una de las tantas reacciones por las hormonas. Mi cuerpo se había vuelto menos resistente que antes y siempre buscaba esforzarlo como solía hacerlo. Cargar con el mismo peso pero contar con menos energías se volvía difícil de manejar. Ser la mejor en clase, la mejor asistente, la mejor amiga y la mejor mujer se convirtió en una tarea titánica. Apenas regresaba a casa o tenía tiempo libre, dormía. Llegaba a saltarme varias comidas con tal de dormir un poco más.

- Estoy exhausto.

Ante mi debilidad una oportunidad surgió. Una invitación a su departamento y una ocasión que no podía desperdiciar. Poder ver sus sonrisas y ser causante de sus sonrojos como antes era algo especial. Por fin mi sueño tomaba su rumbo.

- "Pero lo estas engañando, le ocultas la verdad."

Esa voz de mi conciencia me desquiciaba. En los momentos donde me sentía más feliz junto a él era cuando se presentaba, haciéndome caer y poniéndome los pies sobre la tierra.

- "Él no te ama a ti, la ama a [ella]."

Sacudía mi cabeza y lo sujetaba en un abrazo. Quien dormía junto a mí era él y quien dormía junto a él era yo; era todo lo que me debía de importar. Disfrutaba de su fragancia, era yo quien se zambullía en su calor, quien se acurrucaba y permanecía a su lado. Era yo quien lo besaba. Un beso donde todo comenzó, donde todo volvería a dar inicio.

- Sus labios conservan el sabor a tabaco… me pregunto si los míos conservan su mismo sabor.

Jamás mencionó a mí otro "yo" en nuestras conversaciones casuales, tampoco lo esperaba. De igual manera no había mucho que pudiera contarle, ni siquiera la verdad.

- ¿Otra vez ensalada? No pensé que fueras del montón de chicas que se preocupa por tonterías como su peso y estar siempre delgada. Lo único que conseguirás será quedar en los huesos. Era su manera indirecta de preocuparse.

- También traigo algo de pollo, ¿ves? Le mostré mi caja de obento.

- Claro que me gustaría comer mucha más carne pero ahora mi metabolismo no es lo que solía ser. Un descuido me puede costar 5 kilos o más. Debo cuidar todo lo que como pero vale el precio.

- ¿Quieres probar? Si lo hubiera dicho en el pasado me asesinaría pero ahora era diferente.

- N-no es necesario puedo comer de la cafetería. Verlo sonrojar me hacía querer probar más y más sus límites. Esta vez podía darme ese lujo.

- ¿Entonces debería de traer uno para ti el día de mañana?

- ¿Eh? ¡C-claro que no! No es necesario que hagas tanto por mí.

Me ilusionaba tanto ver como su carácter no había cambiado en nada. Su forma de amar también seguía intacta. Todo regresó a ser como siempre pero se volvió como nunca.

Un sinfín de noches en su departamento. Miles de besos. Cenas deliciosas y pláticas amenas. Senpai se divertía, pasábamos tiempo juntos y a pesar de que se ponía nervioso jamás se arrepentía al día siguiente. Cada día se enlazaba con el siguiente y la relación solo seguía adelante, no había ningún retroceso. Sentía confianza en que algún día esto se convertiría en algo formal, "no en este momento", como leía en las acciones de Senpai pero el día llegaría.

- "¿Qué harás cuando llegué el momento? ¿Serás lo suficientemente honesto para confesarlo?"

La situación más riesgosa se presentó. Saboreé su esencia en mi paladar y lo escuché llamarme entre gemidos.

- ¿Dijo… Morinaga?

Había humedad en mis ojos pero no entendía la razón ¿No debería de estar feliz?, no. Más que alegría una profunda preocupación me invadió. Mi pecho se sentía vacío. No quería que sospechara pero tampoco podía quedarme. Dolía, era frustrante. Esta vez tendría que dar la que podría ser la lucha más difícil; tenía que vencer a mi anterior "yo" y recuperar su corazón.

- "El sentimiento siempre estuvo ahí…"

- Senpai no se equivocó cuando lo mencionó, fue la verdad.

Ahora tenía que encargarme de transformar esa verdad de la misma forma en que yo me había transformado. Pero ¿por qué?, ¿no podía volver todo a la normalidad y ser felices juntos? De nueva cuenta la respuesta era: no. No fuimos felices en el pasado, esa misma historia no podía tener éxito en el futuro. Él quería una mujer a su lado, no a un hombre. Eso me había quedado más claro que el agua.

Pasaron varios días y no hablamos del tema. Sabía que si yo no decía nada Senpai no se atrevería a hablar. Ambos fingimos que nada sucedió aquel día pero ninguno de los dos pudo olvidarlo. Esta nueva inseguridad sembró una semilla en mi cabeza, una que fue torturándome lentamente, esperando florecer. Ya no iba a su departamento con la misma frecuencia y regresar al mío solo me imposibilitaba el sueño. No dormía con mi cabeza jugándome sucios trucos mentales. Las pesadillas eran recurrentes pero eran mejores que toda esa preocupación; los sueños desaparecían al despertar, los trágicos pensamientos no.

- ¿Y si termina saliendo mal como la primera vez?, no me gusta tener que mentirle todo el tiempo... quiero estar junto a Senpai pero no quiero sufrir o que él sufra.

Estaba sometido bajo demasiada presión. Siendo la mitad de lo que era tenía que resolver lo que no logré siendo una persona completa.

- No puedo rendirme…

Kết quả (Anh) 1:

-What will I do? Perhaps my decision was a mistake?No, it could not allow me think that way. He had overcome several obstacles for back when presented a difficulty and be in the position where I was now.-Remember that it has not been easy and it will not be.Not only the recovery of the operation was painful and uncomfortable, also the treatment that I had, and still, I continue following had been a real headache. Pills and injections. The treatment started it months before surgery and since then small changes have emerged. The passage of several months some aspects in my body were changing, although not so notorious, needed more time and great patience. These hormones brought a series of side effects and changes that would be irreversible. I warned and explained what would happen with my body; I accepted that judgement.-Do sterility?-Yes. Once you start with this and the passage of time, it will be something irreversible.I cannot lie to me and say that at that time not discouraged me. I did not think to start a family, it was never an interest or goal, but the fact that a doctor say it so coldly makes you aware that one more door closes against you. At that moment I closed my eyes, looked at running small children in the Park and such they waned. I was gay, that has never been a possibility in my future, it should not be sad but surprisingly it was.Two operations were necessary; facial feminization surgery and breast implants. Hormones increase my bust but it would not be a one-off and I should wait too much, so I thought it was the best option. Facial feminization surgery was different. He was willing to change but it scared me having to transform my face. The modifications that were made were not so great, but I still remember the psychologist helping me to cope with my new look. They spent several days until they allowed me to see my face and several more before he could see me in a mirror without feeling insecure or rejection.-Were times complicated... This should not even be compared.He is assumed that he had faced the most complex part, but that was not true.-I'm doing half.Truth or lie. Neither woman nor man. How I thought of as well introduce myself to him? Without being a whole person, just a desire to be what I'm not. When it was time to make a decision simply not I could leave behind a part of me. Something made me think that this would be enough, but that was not true, I also know of my lack of perfection.-Everything will be OK.If he came to accept me for the person that I had already become it so not to let go of my past and would conclude what started. He would love me, he would understand if I could not realize his dream and kept the hope that could resort to other options if he so wished. The only thing you were looking for was to see it happy, that made me immensely happy to me.-You changed your inside... I can change my exterior.If my essence remained the same container should not matter. It shouldn't, but it did.To find us on the next stage of our lives you became my teacher, followed being my model to follow, the same person that I fell in love once. I was afraid of that I recognise and had fear that you do not define me.- And if it's not worth?... I will make it worth it, I will do this I ran.Fate was on my side and we went back to be near. I was converted again into your right hand, your friend. It looked like you esforzabas in that loved you every day and I was surprised that on this occasion your confidence reached it in record time.-So appearances if matter?He sought to be prudent when it comes to dress up because it didn't feel comfortable showing more of what a man should see. The first few times was embarrassing to wear skirts when all your life you were faithful to pants. He lost time in the evenings looking in magazines models that I serve with my dress. More short sleeves blouses, dresses, even some lipstick; You could not believe all the complicated things that women had to manage to stay attractive. The art of wear sneakers was even worse. Be high not nothing and that I benefited shoes much less; It was painful and avoided them as much as I could.-We will only be a couple of hours!When he concluded that event all they wanted was go home and rest. Impossible. The work in the laboratory had accumulated to leave me all week to prepare the presentation of the project, could not go and Senpai leave with all the workload again. Being a woman was too exhausting.-Why am I so tired?It was one of the many reactions by the hormones. My body had become less resistant than before and always wanted to try it as it used to. Load with the same weight but having less energy became difficult to manage. Being the best in class, best Assistant, best friend and the best woman became a daunting task. He was just returning home or I had free time, he slept. Came to skip several meals in order to sleep a little more.-I am exhausted.Before my weakness an opportunity arose. An invitation to her apartment and an opportunity that could not be wasted. To see their smiles and be responsible for its charming as before it was something special. My dream finally took its course.-"But what these misleading, her hidden truth."The voice of my conscience I desquiciaba. In the moments where I felt happier with him was when he appeared, causing me to fall and putting my feet on the ground.-"He doesn't love you you, loves her [her]."I shook my head and held him in a hug. Who slept next to me was it and who was sleeping next to him was me; It was everything I had to import. Enjoying its fragrance, it was me who is diving into his heat, who is cuddled and remained at his side. It was me who kissed him. A kiss where everything began, where everything would return to home.-Your lips retain the taste of tobacco... I wonder if mine retained its same flavor.Never "I" mentioned to me another in our casual conversations, nor expected it. Likewise there was little that could tell you, not even the truth.-Salad again? I didn't think that you were the lot of girls who cares about nonsense as their weight and be always thin. The only thing that you will get will be stay in the bones. It was his indirect way of worry.-Also I bring some chicken, do you see? I showed him my obento box.-Of course I'd like to eat much more meat but now my metabolism is not what it used to be. A mistake can cost me 5 kilos or more. I take care of everything you like but is worth the price.-Would you like to try? If had said it in the past I asesinaría but now it was different.-N-no it is necessary I can eat in the cafeteria. See him blush made me want to try more and more their limits. This time he could give me that luxury.-Then should bring one to you tomorrow?-Huh? C-claro that do not! Not required to do so by me.He loved both see as his character had not changed at all. His way of loving also remained intact. All returned as always but became like never before.Endless nights at his apartment. Thousands of kisses. Delicious dinners and entertaining talks. Senpai amused, spent time together, and while it was nervous never repented the next day. Every day it is linked with the next and the only relationship went ahead, there was no recoil. I felt confidence that some day this would become something formal, "not at this time", as I read in the actions of Senpai, but the day would come.-"What will do when the moment arrived? Are you honest enough to admit it?"The more risky situation arose. I fuels its essence in my mouth and I heard him call me between groans.-Did you say... Morinaga?There was moisture in my eyes but I couldn't understand why shouldn't be happy?, no. More joy and deep concern I invaded. My chest felt empty. I didn't want that it suspected but I could not stay. It hurt, it was frustrating. This time he would have to give that could be the most difficult fight; I had to beat my previous "I" and retrieve his heart.-"The feeling was always there..."-Senpai was not wrong when he mentioned it, was the truth.Now I had to take care of transforming that truth in the same way that I had transformed me. But why?, would could not return everything to normal and be happy together? Again, the answer was: not. We were not happy in the past, this same story could not succeed in the future. He wanted a woman at his side, not to a man. This had been me lighter than water.It took several days and we don't talk about the subject. I knew that if I didn't say anything Senpai would not dare to speak. Both pretend that nothing happened that day, but neither of them could forget it. This new insecurity planted a seed in my head, one that was torturing me slowly, waiting for bloom. Already not going to his apartment with the same frequency and back to mine only made sleep impossible me. I was not sleeping with my head playing me dirty mind tricks. The nightmares were recurrent but were better than all this concern; dreams disappear upon waking, tragic thoughts do not.- And if it ends up going wrong like the first time?, I do not like having to lie all the time... I want to be together with Senpai but don't want to suffer or that he suffers.It was submitted under too much pressure. Being half of what was needed to resolve what I managed to not being a whole person.-I do not give up...

Kết quả (Anh) 2:

- What I am going to do? Did my decision was a mistake? No, I could not afford to think that way. He had overcome several obstacles to be in the position where now I was to go back when a difficulty arose. -. Remember, it was not easy and neither will not only recovery operation was painful and uncomfortable, also treatment with whom I had, and still, I keep following it had been a real headache. Injections and pills. Treatment is started months before surgery and since small changes arose. The passage of several months in some ways my body was changing, but not so noticeable, it needed more time and great patience. These hormones brought a number of side effects and changes that would be irreversible. They warned me and explained what would happen to my body; I accepted the judgment. - Infertility? - Yes Once you start with this and over time, will be irreversible.. can not lie and say that at that time I was not discouraged. I did not think raising a family, was never an interest or goal, but the fact that I tell a doctor so coldly makes you aware that another door closes in front of you. At that moment I closed my eyes, I saw little kids running in the park and how they vanished. I was gay, that was never a possibility in my future, was not to be sad but surprisingly it was. Two operations were needed; breast implants and facial feminization. Hormones increase my bust but not exceptional and would have to wait too much, so I thought it was the best option. With facial feminization was different. He was willing to change but I was worried about having to transform my face. The changes made ​​were not so great but I still remember the psychologist helping me face my new look. It took several days until they allowed me to see my face and several more before he could see myself in a mirror without feeling insecure or rejection. -. They were difficult moments ... this should not even be compared is assumed that had faced the most complex part but that does not It was true. - I'm doing everything half. Neither truth nor lie. Neither woman nor man. How well I never thought appear before him? Without being a whole person, just a desire to be what I'm not. When it comes time to make a decision just I could not leave behind a part of me came. Something made ​​me think that this would be enough but that was not true, I also knew my lack of perfection. -. Everything will be fine if he came to accept me for the person I had become no longer would be afraid to let go of my past and conclude what I started. He would love me, he would have understood if I could not realize his dream and remained hopeful that we could use other options if they wanted to. All I wanted was to see him happy, that made ​​me immensely happy to me. - You changed your inner ... I can change my outside. If my essence remained the same container must not caring. I should not but he did. Standing in the next stage of our lives you became my teacher, you were still my role model, the same person I fell in love once. I was afraid that recognize me and was terrified that you would set me you do not. -. What if this is not worth it ... I will make it worth, I will make this work Fate was on my side and back to be nearby. I turned over in your right hand, your friend. You have strengthened seen as passionate as you every day and was surprised that this time your confidence reached it in record time. - So that appearances do matter tried to be cautious dress because I did not feel comfortable showing more than a man should see. The first few times it was embarrassing to wear skirts when all your life you were faithful to pants. Lost time at night looking at magazine models serve me with my dress. The short sleeves blouses, dresses, even some lip; I could not believe all the complicated things that women had to manage to stay attractive. The art of using shoes was even worse. It did not benefit me being tall and that anything less shoes; It was painful and avoided them as much as I could. - Come on, will only be a couple of hours! When event concluded that all he wanted was to go home and rest. Impossible. The laboratory work had accumulated to be away all week to prepare the presentation of the project could not go and leave Senpai with all the workload again. Being a woman was too exhausting. - Why am I so tired? It was one of many reactions by hormones. My body had become less resistant than before and always looked esforzarlo used to. Carry the same weight but have less energy became unwieldy. To be the best in class, the best wizard's best friend and the best woman became a chore. Just came home and had free time, he slept. Reached skip several meals provided a little more sleep. -. I'm exhausted face my weakness an opportunity arose. An invitation to his apartment and an opportunity he could not miss. To see their smiles and their blushes be causing as before was something special. Finally my dream took its course. - "But these cheating, you're hiding the truth." That voice of my conscience unhinged me. In moments where I felt happier with him was when he appeared, bringing me down and putting his feet on the ground. -. "He does not love you, the love [her]" He shook my head and held it in a hug. Who slept next to me was he and who slept beside him I was; It was all that should matter to me. Enjoying its fragrance, it was I who dived into her warmth, who huddled and stood beside him. It was I who kissed him. A kiss where it all began, where everything would begin. -. His lips retain the flavor to snuff ... I wonder if mine retain their same taste never mentioned to me another "I" in our casual conversations, nor expected. Similarly there was not much I could tell, not even the truth. - Again salad? I did not think you were the lot of girls who cares about silly things like your weight and always thin. All you get will be in the bones. You was his indirect way of worry. - I also bring some chicken, see? I showed him my box obento. - Of course I'd eat a lot more meat but now my metabolism is not what it used to be. One slip can cost me 5 kilos or more. I care what I eat but worth the price. - Want to try? If I had said in the past would kill me but now it was different. - N-no need can eat in the cafeteria. I see him blush made ​​me want to try more and more their limits. This time I could afford it. - So should bring one for you tomorrow? - Huh? C-course not! You do not need to do much for me. I see both flattered his character had not changed at all. His way of loving also remained intact. All returned to be as usual but turned as ever. Endless nights in his apartment. Thousands of kisses. Delicious dinners and entertaining talks. Senpai had fun, we spent time together and even though he was nervous never regretted the next day. Every day it was linked to the next and the relationship just kept going, there was no retreat. I felt confident that one day this would become formal, "not right now" as read in the actions of Senpai but the day would come. - "What will you do when the time comes you be honest enough to confess? " The riskiest thing occurred. I savored its essence in my mouth and I heard him call me moaning. - Did you say ... Morinaga? There was moisture in my eyes but did not understand the reason should be happy ?, No no. But joy deep concern invaded me. My chest felt empty. I did not want to suspect but could not stay. It hurt, it was frustrating. This time would have to give what may be the most difficult struggle; I had to beat my previous "I" and regain your heart. - "The feeling was always there ..." -. Senpai was not wrong when he said, was the truth Now I had to take care of transforming the truth in the same way I had transformed me. But why ?, he could not return everything to normal and be happy together? Again the answer was no. We were not happy in the past, that history could not succeed in the future. He wanted a woman at his side, not a man. That had been clearer to me than water. They spent several days and not talk about it. I knew if I did not say anything Senpai would not dare to speak. Both pretend that nothing happened that day, but none of them could forget. This new insecurity planted a seed in my head, that was torturing slowly, waiting to blossom. No longer would his department with the same frequency and return to me my only impossible dream. No slept with my head jugándome dirty mind tricks. They were recurrent nightmares but were better than all that concern; disappeared on waking dreams, tragic thoughts. - And if it ends badly out as the first time ?, I do not like having to lie all the time ... want to be with Senpai but not want to suffer or that he suffers. It was submitted under too much pressure. Being half of what was needed to resolve what I could not be a complete person. - I can not give ...

Kết quả (Anh) 3:

- What am I gonna do? My decision was a mistake?

I couldn't afford to think that way. Overcome several obstacles had to be in the position where I was now to Retreat when it presented a difficulty.

- recalls that it has not been easy and it will not be.

not only the Recovery operation was painful and uncomfortable.The treatment that I had, and still, Continue following had been a real headache. Injections and Pills. The Treatment started months before surgery and since then small changes emerged. Over several months, Some Aspects were Changing in my body, though not so Notorious, needed more time and patience.These hormones side effects and brought a series of changes that would be irreversible. They warned me and explained what would happen to my body; i accepted this judgement.

- Sterility?

-. Once you start with this and the passage of Time will something irreversible.

I can't lie and say that in that moment I was disheartened. I thought to form a family,It was never an interest or goal, but the fact that a doctor tell you so coldly makes you aware that closes a door in front of you. In that Instant I closed My Eyes, I looked for small children running in the Park and how these have faded. I was gay, that had never been a possibility In My Future, should not be sad but I was surprisingly

.Two operations were necessary; breast implants and Facial Feminization. Hormones increase my Bust but would be something exceptional and should not expect too much, so I thought that was the best choice. With the Facial Feminization was different. Was willing to change but I was afraid to turn my face.The changes made were not so great, but I still remember the psychologist helping me meet my new look. Several days passed until allowed me to see my face and several more before you see a mirror without feeling insecure or rejection.

- were difficult times... This shouldn't even be compared.

It is supposed that had faced the most complex but that wasn't true.

I'm doing everything 50-50.

no Truth, no Lie. No Woman, no man. How I happened to introduce me to him? Without being a complete person, only a desire to be what I'm not. When it came time to make a decision, I just couldn't leave behind a part of me.Something made me think that this would be sufficient, but that was not the Truth, I also knew my lack of Perfection.

- Everything will be fine. If he came to me for the person I'd become no longer afraid to let go of my past and continue what I started. He'd Love Me,He would understand if I couldn't realize his dream and the hope that we might have other options if they so wished. All I wanted was to see him happy, I was immensely happy to me.

you changed yourself, I can change my exterior.

if my Essence remained the same the container should not care. But it should not.To find in the Next Stage of Our Lives you became My Teacher, you were my role model, the person that I was in Love once. I was afraid to see me and was terrified that you would notice me. - and if it not worth it? ... I'll make it, I'll make it ran.
Fate was on my side and we were close.I turned again in Your Right Hand, your friend. Looked like you tried what you know from day to day and I was surprised that in this occasion your confidence is reached in record time.

so appearances do matter?

to be prudent in clothes because I wasn't comfortable showing more of what a man should do.The first few times it was embarrassing to wear Skirts when all your life you were faithful to the pants. Lost time at night looking for models in magazines that served me with my dress. Shorter sleeves Blouses, dresses, even some sores; I couldn't believe all the complicated things that women had to manage to remain attractive.The Art of wearing slippers was even worse. Be not high and that in nothing I benefited much less shoes; it was painful and avoiding as much as I could. - Come on, I'll only be a couple of hours!

concluded that event when all I wanted was to go home and rest. Impossible.Laboratory work had been Accumulated to stay all week to prepare for the Presentation of the project, could not leave senpai with all the Workload again. Being a woman was too Exhausting. - Why am I SO tired?

was one of the many Reactions by hormones.My body had become less resistant than before and I always Push It Like I used to. Carry the same Weight but have less energy was difficult to handle. To be the best in Class, the best Assistant, the best friend and the Best Woman became a Herculean task. Just returning home or I had free time, sleep.I Skip meals to sleep a little more.
-

I'm exhausted. An opportunity arose to my weakness. An invitation to his Department and an opportunity that I could not waste. To see their smiles and be cause of his Blushing as before was something special. Finally My Dream took its course.
"but you are Cheating, Hidden Truth."

The Voice of my Conscience so annoying. In the moments where I felt most happy with him when he was holding me down and put your feet on the ground.
"He Don't Love You, The Love [her]."

shook my head and held him in a Hug. Who slept with me and it was he who slept next to him I was; I was all that should matter. Enjoy its Fragrance,It was I Who plunges into its Heat, who cuddle and remained by his side. I was the one who kissed him. A Kiss Where It All Began, where everything would start.

- his lips retain the Tobacco Flavor, I wonder if my retain their same taste.
never mentioned to me another "Me" in our casual Conversations, did not expect.Similarly, there was not much that I could tell him, not even the truth.

- Salad again? I didn't think you were a bunch of girls who care about nonsense like weight and always be thin. All that will be left in the Bones. His worry was indirectly.

- also brought some Chicken, see? I showed him my box of Obento.

- of course I like eating much Meat but now my Metabolism is not what it used to be. Carelessness can cost me 5 pounds or more. I have to take care of everything, but is worth the price. - want to try? If you had told me in the past but now I was different.

- N - not necessary I can eat in the cafeteria. See him Blush made me want to try more and more Limits.This time he could afford it.

- then should bring one for you tomorrow?

- huh? C - of course not! There's no need to do so much for me. I was so looking forward to see how his Character had not changed at all. Your Love also remained intact. Everything's back to business as usual but never became as.
endless nights in his Department. Thousands of Kisses.Dinners and lively discussions. Senpai Fun, spent time together and despite being nervous never regretted it the next day. Every day is linked with the following and continued the relationship only, no Retreat. I felt confident that someday this would become something formal, "not this time"As I read the actions of Birds but the day would come.

- "What are you going to do when I got the time? Be honest enough to admit it? "

the most Risky situation are presented. I savored his Essence in my mouth and I heard him call me between moaning.

- Morinaga Said...?

was moisture in my eyes, but I didn't understand the reason why should not be happy? Not.More joy I had a deep concern. My Chest felt empty. I suspect that but I couldn't stay. It was frustrating. This would give the time that could be the fight more difficult; I had to beat my previous "I" and recover his heart.
"the feeling was always there..."

senpai was not wrong when you mentioned it was the truth.Now I have to handle Transform that truth in the same way I had transformed. But why? I couldn't return to normal and Be Happy Together? Again the answer was: No, we were happy in the past, that History could not succeed in the future. He wanted a woman at his side, not a man. I've been more clear.Several days passed, and not talk about the topic. I knew that if I didn't Say Anything senpai did not dare speak. Both pretend nothing happened that day, but none of them could forget. This new insecurity sowed a seed in my head, which was torturing me slowly, waiting to Bloom.No longer would his department with the same Frequency and Return To Mine just impossible Dream. Don't sleep with my head playing Dirty Tricks. The Nightmares were recurrent, but were better than all this Concern; Dreams disappeared upon Awakening, the tragic thoughts.

- and if it went wrong the first time? ,I Don't like having to lie all the time. I want to be with senpai but I Don't want him to suffer, or suffer.

he was under too much pressure. Being half of what was needed to resolve that I couldn't be a complete person.
-
I can't Surrender...